Anonymous
Re: wiscousin
Thu Dec 19, 2019 15:24
99.224.42.97

Everyone is looking at each other like they donít know what is going on...

David: Something is missing!
Miranda: Just cut to the chase.
David: The afikomon has been stolen! Miranda do we have afikomon insurance?
MCMT: The Afrikomon? Like a Jamaican Afrikaan ?
David: No. a small piece of matzah. Its a matzah mystery. Just play along. We will send the youngest people in the room to go and look for it later on. Oy. This is going to be long night.

Cut Toó-Time LapseóLater on

Everyone is dipping their fingers in the wine cup and symbolically dipping them on to the plate.

Omar: Should this be a reminder of the occupation? The young Palestinian children living in an open-air prison?
David: If you want it to be, Omar. Omar is my Palestinian barber everybody.

óDavid is touching the back of his hair.

David:What do you think? Too long in the back? Can you give me the tire tracks again? Like a car ran over my head?
Mendel: The blood is supposed to represent the plagues that descended on the Egyptians. Despite the fact they were our enemies we still acknowledge their suffering.
Omar: Thatís what Iím talking about. acknowledging your enemies suffering.
Mendel: As soon as they acknowledge our right to exist.
David: I sometimes wonder whether I exist. Does anyone actually exist?
Miranda: My tortured genius!
Jack: But seriously, we ought to stand with the victims of the Israeli occupation.
David: (singing nervously) This land is your land. This is my land.
Mendel: Israel is the same size as New Jersey! Itís a tiny country.
Omar: So we just give Israel a pass because itís small? Thatís not the point.
Mendel: Itís okay David. The boys from Chabad also support BDS.
Omar: You do? You see the orthodox are starting to come around.
Mendel: Build. Development. Scale. Greater Israel! Baruch Hashem. Build. Develop. Scale!
Omar: Free Palestine! Free Palestina!
Mendel: Are you going to allow this sacrilege in your house?
David: I donít know what to do? This is supposed be a universal Seder. Weíve got to be tolerant.
Dan Linley: ZOG! ZOG! JOG! JOG!
Mendel: Whatís happening here? This is a shanda! B.D.S.! Build Develop Scale!
OMAR: Free Palestina! Boycott. Divest. Sanction!
David: Dan,
why are you screaming ZOG? What the heck is happening here?
MCMT: Lion of Zion! Free Rastaman! Afrikomon!
Mendel: BDS! Build, Develop, Scale!
Dan: Isnít ZOG the opposite of Free Palestine? Zionist Occupied Government.
David: No, itís not, Itís anti-Semitic.
Dan: I didnít know!

Omar lobs a spring roll at Mendel. Omar: Take that missile!
Mendel: See! We never attack but in self-defense.

Mendel and the Chabad boys throw spring rolls at Omar.

Miranda: Everybody. Enough with the fighting or you have to leave our home.
Andrea: I think the brownies are starting to kick in.
Felicia: Youíre right. Everbody is high AF!

A new person enters the party. Dressed as a stereotypical rapper with cool black sunglasses.

David: Who the heck are you?
MCMT: Iím the real Milky Tea mother...er!
Miranda: Milky!
Black Tea: The jokes on you David!
David: So youíre not the real MT?
Black Tea: Iím MC black Tea.
David: So was Miranda still boning you?
Black Tea: No comment.
MCMT: Letís get this party started!

Cut To ó-ď30 Minutes LaterĒ - Super-Title

The food is mostly eaten and the party has mellowed out.

David: Itís about that time in the evening that we begin sharing our Passover stories. My friend Dan Linley has prepared something that he wants to read to everyone.

Dan Linley: Well itís nothing compared to Falstaff, Lear, or Shylock but here goes nothing.
Itís a little riff on my favorite prophet , Ezekiel. The path of the righteous tribe of Jacob was beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil Egyptians. Blessed be Moses and Aaron, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherded the weak tribes through the valley of darkness, for they were truly their brotherís keeper and the finder of lost children. And said The Lord to Pharoah, I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. Once the sea had parted and the plagues had plagueth and the wicked Egyptians had lost their first born, they had finally learned that his name is the Lord when he laid his vengeance upon them. But I, the speaker, am one of those stricken Egyptians, but Iím trying, Iím trying really hard to be among those chosen to enter the kingdom of heaven, once I molt, throw off my guilt, and rid myself of this serpent skin.

ó-everyone in the party is speechless. Mendel begins to clap, joined by Omar. Then everyone starts clapping. We cut to Davidís face, he is stunned and incensed that Dan has plagiarized Julesí speech from Pulp Fiction.

Dan: Thanks everyone. It came to me in a moment of inspiration. I appreciate it. Youíre too kind, really.
David: Achem, Dan, do you want to acknowledge some references there, perhaps some endnotes?
Dan: Nope. It just came to me.
David: That speech isnít based on something you might have heard or watched before?
Dan: I mean, I heed the words of Jim Jarmusch who said steal from anything, itís yours, or something to that effect.
Miranda: Dan, That was beautiful.
David: I just thought the purpose of this exercise was to write something original?
Dan: Jim Jarmusch says..
David: This isnít about Jim Jarmusch!

Everyone is looking at David accusingly.

David: He just copied the speech from Pulp Fiction. Meanwhile, Iím struggling here to say something meaningful. Youíve plagiarized your whole speech! And you wonít admit it.

Dan: Iím stunned and hurt. I might have borrowed the tenor from Pulp Fiction unconsciously but it was meant to be a playful homage.

óDan begins to tear up.

Dan: If anyone needs me, Iíll be in the powder room, freshening up.

The room (in unison): David! You schmuck. Whatís your problem? What a jerk!

David stands up.

David: You know what, I give up. Iím slaving away, heís slaving away, we are all just slaving away, trying to one up each other, weíre just searching for food pellets in a mouse maze. Weíre slaves to our jobs, to our significant others, to our families, for what? Whatís at the end of the maze? What happens to us after we put our time in, our forty years in the desert? A slap on the back? A handshake? Weíve come here to celebrate freedom. Liberty. But arenít we all just taking our cues from the rest of the herd? Weíre following the same program that our parents and grandparents followed. Sure, weíve got more opportunities and less hardship but not necessarily more freedom. Because who wants freedom? True freedom is responsibility. Given unlimited options that freedom becomes unbearable. Do this, donít do that, everywhere a sign, signs signs signs. Have you seen the signs? Iím tired of this race into an infinite abyss of doing what Iím told. I wonít carry these chains for the rest of my life. In short, I realize as of this second, my name is no longer David Cooper. Call me Israel! And I shall begin my pilgrimage to the Holy Land.

David finally takes a giant breath.
Everyone is completely silent.
Miranda puts her hands together to clap but canít make a sound.
David takes his shoes off his feet and walks out of the dining room.

End of Episodeó
Cue credits with photos of David in Israel.

  • Re: wiscousin Anonymous, Thu Dec 19 15:22
    David: Are you sure youíre part of the tribe? Mendel: I donít know what youíre talking about but youíre a funny guy. You should come to Chabad sometime. Weíre close by. Weíre in the neighborhood.... more
    • Re: wiscousin Anonymous, Thu Dec 19 15:24
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